I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
high people should be assigned attendants
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
