take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Randomize
