She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
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