There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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