I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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