D3 body, D1 cock
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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