DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
