I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
