Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
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