she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
