I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize