I need help removing her.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
