How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
