Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
