i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
