just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I just forgot I was standing up.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
