I'm pants shitting drunk right now
My brain says no but my pants say off.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
