There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
