theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
