we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
