if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
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