Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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