It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
It's shark week go big or go home
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
