The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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