Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize