How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
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