I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
