It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
