If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
