Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
