we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
