I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize