I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
