after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
