my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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