So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
His hands were made for my vagina.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Randomize
