remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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