once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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