What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
