I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Randomize
