he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
