This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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