if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
When are your genitals available?
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
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