i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I have aggressive nipples.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
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