Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
