My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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