"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
