I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
