I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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