Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
