He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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