How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
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