whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Randomize
