im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
