Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Randomize
