We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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