Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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