do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
