On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
