It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Even my vagina gasped.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
