grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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