my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
