i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize