I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
