so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
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