I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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